"CAVEAT EMPTOR"

Some months ago, I was a member of a very well known dating service and felt I was ripped off. Anyway, I had tried repeatedly to find some 800 number or even one that wasn't toll free, to cancel my membership to no avail. I decided to post a query on a "blog". The responses had little to do with phone numbers and much to do about dating and relationships in general with the emphasis of blame lying on the shoulders of this unmentioned very well known dating site.

Before imposing my opinions on you, let me say--I will never write but from empathy. I am a woman with far more years behind me than before me. I've been loved by men I didn't want and loved men I shouldn't have wanted. I've passed out business cards, winked, touched a forearm, tilted my head, played with my hair, slept with them on the first date, made them wait the obligatory three dates. I go out regularly, keep my head up, volunteer with charities, go to the theater, museums...blah, blah, BLAH!! In other words, I've put myself out there. I don't have all the answers--but I have a few.


Now, truth be told, I have been a member off and on of dating sites for at least 10 years. That was when the biggies were free and the practice was quite "taboo". Ironically, it was considered a far more dangerous practice than now. My reasons for joining were quite simple..I had lived in a loveless, sexless marriage for 15 of the 26 years we were married. I was lonely.


I worked in a city more than 2 hours from my home and traveled there 3 days every other week working 2 doubles and a single, then have 10 days off. (It was, in retrospect, the best thing I could have done for my kids' mental health and mine-another topic another time)


I did, indeed meet a man from the site I was on. The "set-up" was perfect. He was there...I was over here. I didn't need to introduce him to my children--there was no need to subject my children, still in high school, to their mother's "outside activities" unless I was in a "serious" relationship.


There's much more to be said about that relationship which lasted 10 years...the least of which my discovering he was married 4 months before I thought he and I were to be married--(clears throat)--but the point of this little ditty, is dating sites.


I joined dating sites for the dream. I wanted a Prince Charming. I was so lonely. The dating site didn't dupe me..I duped myself. I paid the price of admission and they marketed to my vulnerability. That's what they do. Just like cereals convice you eating more of their product will get you a thin waist--dating sites sell you the dream that if you just pay this little price..less than you spend on a night on the town--your very own soul mate may be waiting on the other side.

Look, I'm not trying to be glib. I want someone long term in my life--very much. I've a lot to offer. I've grown into a great human being. I know how tough it is to stay vulnerable when you build up such high hopes and then hit such disappointment. God knows I've been there. Will I try a dating site again? Perhaps. I am seeing someone now..someone I did indeed meet in the real world..and someone who sought me out. Will it last? Who knows..but, today, it feels great.

The bottom line with a dating site is "CAVEAT EMPTOR"!! All you're paying for is a list of potential clients. I don't have exact percentages--in fact, I've none from anyone with a title--but in my experience--3 out of ten seems to be a pretty good ratio of men who were truly were what they wrote. On the other hand..it's 3 out of ten...and you just need one, right?

Don't pay the price of admisssion without a reality check. If you're not meeting men/women in the "real" world..you're probably not going to meet them online. You can write anything you want, but in reality boys and girls, you are what you are. Take the money and invest in the stock..not the hype. Hell, in a short while, you'll make enough from the dividends to go to Jamaica...drink enough and you won't know if you're there alone or not...


Just one more query which I'm sure will stir the pot...In the "real world" when your un-guaranteed expectations are not met...who or what do you blame?

"B"